With all the catastrophes that are going on, and all the hardships that are going on around the world, you don't do the world any service by walking around in pain and at war with yourself. You'd do a lot better good, a lot better service, if you find that thing within yourself that says ...move forward it's okay. It's our duty to see through it and work through it.
— Gino Vannelli
Every day there is a war inside your mind: A war between you and yourself! One side of you may defeat the other side of you! But you must know that your winning side might fail in the real world! Always be ready to give a chance immediately to your losing side, to your defeated idea!
― Mehmet Murat ildan
You have to be willing to go to war with yourself and create a whole new identity.
— David Goggins
Once upon a time, I had aspirations to be an artist. I was good at art, and more importantly, I enjoyed it. I’d even picked out the university I wanted to attend in order to pursue it.
While I also enjoyed writing – not just assignments for school, but short stories and poems on my own – I never seriously thought of it as a career. Although I vaguely recall checking out a few universities for a creative arts program (which were few and far between back then, let me tell you).
I don’t remember exactly when or why I abandoned my art, but I guess I never gave up on it completely because I have a closet full of unused art supplies. And I have folders, both in a desk drawer and on my computer, of pictures I’ve saved that I think would make a good painting. But I just never seem to find the time.
Crafts on the other hand, have always been there. Growing up I had many visits with an aunt who was an avid crafter, and I can’t tell you the number of different crafts we did. Crafts aren’t just a way to pass the time either, they have a practical use. They make great gifts, especially if you’re on a budget. Who doesn’t like receiving a hand made gift?
I never seriously thought about making a living with my crafts, and the reason for this is money. I just couldn’t bring myself to charge what a craft is actually worth. The cost of supplies is fairly low (in most cases), and it’s something to do in my spare time so I could never factor in my time properly.
Then we come to sewing. I was very young when I first learned to sew. My mother taught me to embroider when I was around 7 or 8, and I learned machine sewing on an ancient Singer sewing machine before I was 12. I liked clothes, and sewing them myself gave me a broader range of styles than I’d get off the rack. Plus it stretched my clothing budget like you wouldn’t believe.
At one time, my father thought I’d be a fashion designer because I was forever taking a piece from one pattern and making it work on another, and I wasn’t above experimenting. But design wasn’t really something I wanted to pursue.
So why am I telling you all this? Because for several months I’ve been at war with myself. All these different creative sides to me are vying for attention and if I spend too much attention on one, I start feeling guilty I’m not doing the other. And what happens is, the guilt becomes overwhelming and I end up doing nothing.
Or I end up spending my time re-reading favorite books or playing mindless games, and that just takes me to a whole new level of guilt.
Early in the week, I thought I’d hit on a solution. I could spend my mornings (when I’m at my best) on writerly pursuits, the afternoons on crafting/sewing, and the evenings for continuing something I wanted to finish, or for nothing at all.
It’s a good solution as it lets me work on both the creative and artistic sides of my nature, without any guilt. Of course, I’d no sooner settled on this when a few unforeseen problems arose. Like wanting to get my letter to my sister finished and spending the entire day on it. And both cars having to go in for repairs on separate days. And most appointments are in the morning.
But I still think I can make it work. Thursday and Friday I struggled with an idea for my new, online serial, which meant I didn’t get crafting time in. But Saturday I got a big whack of time in on crafting that spilled into the evening. Having the evenings as a “free time” is really going to help to make this work.
It’s also going to help that my crafting time will encompass all my crafts – needlework, machine sewing, crafting – so there will be no guilt if I do one and not the other.
So, the war with myself is over. I’m ready to wave the flag of truce. Let’s hope the armistice lasts.
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
WORDAGE REPORT
After a strong start, I petered out pretty quickly. After doing a post for Monday and a poetry post for Wednesday, I did not get anything done for Fiction Friday. I did not do any three-minute words, but I did redeem myself yesterday by writing 1,000 words on a new idea.
It’s too bad I can’t include the words written in letters and emails last week, because that would add another 10,000 words to my total. LOL
NEW WORDS:
Blog Posts – 1,459+396+391+135=2381
Poetry – 391 (including blog post)
Other words – 1104 (new idea)
Total words: 3,485
Three-minute words – 0
Goals For Next Week:
Decide what I’m doing about the three-minute words. Find something new for Fiction Friday.
EDITING:
59 pages
I really have to find a new name for the elven steeds. Until my editor pointed it out, I didn’t realize how annoyingly repetitious the word “steed” is. She also caught a serious boo-boo. I had a scene where the characters were acting on an escape plan they made, but no one ever mentioned what this plan was so it was a little confusing. Oops!
Goal For Next Week:
Keep up the good work on Magickal Mayhem.
MARKETING MONDAY:
I actually spiffed up a story to send to a print magazine. I had to pare away about 150 words to meet the word requirements, but I think it’s a better story for all of that. Cross your fingers for me.
Goal For Next Week:
Submit two flash stories and one poem.
TECHNO TUESDAY:
Does working on my Alphasmart Neo out on the deck all day count as something technical? Well, it better. Because that’s how I spent my day. I wrote a 6,700 word letter to my sister. Too bad I couldn’t have that kind of writing day on my fiction writing.
Goal For Next Week:
Do something technical or educational (like access one of my tutorials).
POETRY WEDNESDAY:
Once again I managed to find a form I enjoyed. The resulting poem was something a little bit different for me, but I liked it as well.
Last week I had a lovely email from a gentleman whose poetry form, the Epulaeryu, I featured back in 2011. He’s created two other poetry forms, and suggested I might like to try his Linking Pin Sonnet. To be honest, I’m not a big fan of sonnets in general, but this one looks interesting. Whether or not I’m able to come up with a worthy example by Wednesday remains to be seen, but I’ll give it a try.
Goal For Next Week:
Feature a Linking Pin Sonnet on my Wednesday blog post.
CRAFTING:
This is where I started out weak, but ended strong. During the week the only thing close to crafting I did was alter a sundress so I can wear it. But yesterday afternoon I had a Buffy the Vampire Slayer marathon going on, and I spent most of that time working on the cross stitch I started during my last guild meeting. Man, is it slow going! It’s a little less than 2 ½ inches square, and I basically got the flowers in the corners done.
Goal For Next Week:
Finish the teeny cross stitch. Machine sew my embroidered tote bag together.
WHAT I’M READING:
Geez. I’ve gone from one extreme to the other, reading wise. I finished Night Shift, by multiple authors, and couldn’t help but notice, like the kid’s song says, one of these things is not like the others. The first three stories were paranormal romance, but the last one was more like swords and sorcery. Kind of strange, but I enjoyed all four stories. After that I went for something completely different and started reading Book Boyfriend by Kris Ripper.
No reading on the Paperwhite.
Goal For Next Week:
Keep up the good work with the variety of books I’m reading. Stop ignoring the Paperwhite.
GOAL REVIEW:
Got all my blog posts up, although Friday’s wasn’t much of a post. But I feel like I redeemed myself with the 1000 words I wrote on a new idea.
I did get a single story sent out, but I did not do anything technical on Tuesday.
Wrote a new poem for my post, but did not do any other poetry. Spend some time on crafts, but it was all in one swath.
So . . . was last week a success? I’d have to say not really. I started out with good intentions and then went right off the rails. *sigh* But there’s always next week.
Happy writing.
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