All or Nothing

We must stand firm between two kinds of madness: the belief that we can do anything; and the belief that we can do nothing.
― Alain

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
— Mark Twain

If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is compromise.
— Anaïs Nin

I’m stuck in an all-or-nothing rut. I’m not altogether sure how I got here, but I know it’s a rut that’s hard to get out of – I’ve been here before.

Now, when I say “all-or-nothing” I don’t just mean the cognitive distortion, although I suffer from that too, I’m talking about the mind-set that is currently keeping me from getting things accomplished.

I’m a big, fat, procrastinator. I put off doing things – even things that give me pleasure – as long as possible, and when I finally get around to them I do them to the exclusion of all else. For example, needlework. I’ll put off doing it as long as I can, but when I pick it up to start working on it I’ll immerse myself in it, doing nothing else until the project is done. Or I burn myself out.

So when I’m in the all-or-nothing mindset, I won’t start something unless I’m ready to immerse myself. Furthermore, when I am in an all-or-nothing mindset and I’m working on something, if I’m interrupted, breaking the flow as it were, I seldom go back and finish what I was doing. Which is kind of counter-productive and why I have so many unfinished projects lying around.

I need to re-train my brain, alter my thought process, to accept that if I do just a little bit of a bunch of things every day, I can more accomplished than if I go full tilt at just one thing at a time. Unfortunately, my brain can be pretty stubborn, so good luck with that.

Now the cognitive distortion “all or nothing” is a little different. This is where your mind gives you two options – success or failure – without any middle road. This is a faulty thought pattern that makes someone more prone to negative thoughts and conclusions. It manifests in a decrease in self-esteem and confidence, an unwillingness to take risks, less resilience, and feeling like a failure.

This thought pattern leaves no room for balanced perspectives. You have difficulty coming to a compromise – everything is win or lose. Black or white. It’s an unrealistic and rigid way of thinking.

Someone trapped in all-or-nothing thinking has a hard time seeing the positives in a situation. Small mistakes can make you feel like a failure. Unless you feel you can do something perfectly, you don’t even try.

So . . . what can be done about it?

Well first you need to recognize the problem. Labelling this kind of thought process can help pull you out and back into a more reasonable frame of mind. You don’t need to beat yourself up about it, just recognize it.

Find a different way to look at a situation. Don’t focus on your faults, rather recognize your strengths and realize that setbacks happen. Find the positive in a situation and don’t dwell on self-defeating thoughts.

Don’t let mistakes define you. Everyone makes mistakes, even the most successful people in the world. Instead, accept your mistakes and learn from them. Think of them as opportunities for growth.

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

WORDAGE REPORT

You know, one of these days I’m going to surprise everyone and have something other than blog posts to report in this wordage report. This is not that day.

It was just one of those weeks where nothing seemed to go right. I had a couple of social obligations – a morning with my stitchery group and an evening with my poetry group – both of which took more of my energy than I expected. And we had quite a bit of snow, which put me in a reading mood.

And to top it off, when I went to do my installment for my serial, I realized I’d jumped the gun the week before. I had it ending with a tragedy, but it wasn’t supposed to happen yet. So then I had to create one that fit the story line.

NEW WORDS:
1856+350+235+652=3,093
UP – 236 words from last week

Goals For Next Week:
Get all of my blog post up on time.

EDITING:
0 pages
I cannot tell a lie. I didn’t even so much as crack the file open on Elemental Spirit. Or any other file that needs editing.

Goal For Next Week:
Start work on An Elemental Spirit.

MARKETING:
Yeah, nothing new here.

Goal For Next Week:
Set up author page on Amazon; update book page on blog

TECH & TRAINING:
Nothing new here, either.

Goal For Next Week:
Install software for inkjet so I can print to the colour printer.

POETRY WEDNESDAY:
Not only did I come up with a new form, I actually like the example I wrote for it. Trust me, that doesn’t always happen.

And I got a poem written for my poetry group that hit all the points in the poemwork – it was written in couplets, one couplet per month, and offered some words of advice for dealing with each month. Too bad there were only three of us at the gathering to hear it (snow storm prevented the others).

Goal For Next Week:
Find another new poetry form to share.

CRAFTING:
I did actually go to the store to look for the bins and table for my craft migration, but the bins were either too expensive or not the right size, and since I didn’t get the bins I didn’t bother with the table either.

As I mentioned above, I spent a morning last week with my stitchery guild, so I got a few more rows done on the afghan. It would be nice to get it finished so I could start working on something else. NOT an afghan.

Goal For Next Week:
Work on the afghan – the person it’s for has a birthday coming up. Finish craft migration.

WHAT I’M READING:
Finished reading Brazen Virtue, and went on to Sacred Sins and Come Sundown as well, all by Nora Roberts.

As a rule I’m not a fan of autobiographies, or even biographies for that matter, but I couldn’t seem to put Spare, by Prince Harry, down. There was a lot of detail without him oversharing, and it made for really interesting reading.

Goal For Next Week:
Maybe ease up on the reading some.

GOAL REVIEW:

Thanks to a trip to Ripley’s Aquarium for the granddaughter’s birthday, I had something interesting to share for my Monday post. Not sure what I’ll do about this week though.

Once again I did no editing, no marketing, and nothing techy. It is what it is and I’m not going to beat myself up about it.

The one bright spot last week was poetry. I found an interesting form to share and quite liked my example poem. And I did the poem I needed for my poetry gathering. Go me!

While I didn’t do any work on the craft room, I did get several rows done on my afghan. I really need to step up the pace on it. I’ve been slowing down because I’m tired of working with this pattern (fourth time in a row). But I can’t move on to something else until I’m done with it.

My reading sped up last week, which is why this post is a little late. Blame Prince Harry, I found his book hard to put down.

This week I really want to make an effort to get back to my lists. I think lists will help me stay focused on all the things I’d like to accomplish. They help me stay organized, and remind me of my priorities.

Plus who doesn’t like crossing things off a list? :-D