The Natives of Ionesis

Prompt – use this as your first line: The cloud is my true love and my worst enemy.

Oh, I know. You think I’m crazy, don’t you? I see the way you’re looking at me. But you’re forgetting something. We’re here on Ionesis, and here just about everything is sentient.

See that rock over there? That’s the director’s wife. And that slender tree with the blue flowers? That’s the doctor’s assistant.

You can check for hallucinogens in the atmosphere all you want, but you’re not going to find anything. You think we didn’t test the air and the water ourselves? When the planet first started to communicate with us we were a little freaked out. A lot of us retreated back into the ships and wouldn’t set a foot outside again until the biochemists and biologists and the rest of the egg heads ran every test in the book and proved to us we weren’t hallucinating.

How did Cloud and I meet? I was up in the hills, collecting soil samples, and I noticed this cloud following me. Finally, I stopped to confront him and he . . . enveloped me in his essence. We’ve been together pretty much ever since.

The worst enemy thing? Well, you have to remember, even though we have no problem communicating and . . . other things, they’re not human like we are. They don’t think like us. So sometimes they can be a little inappropriate.

Examples? Well, Cloud’s a bit of an exhibitionist. He likes to make love where we might be seen. That’s not really my thing, but he’ll talk me into it by promising to turn opaque so no one can see what we’re doing. But the minute he’s done, he turns transparent again leaving me buck naked in the center of the greenspace or up on the terrace.

Or maybe he’ll decide to levitate us, which is kind of erotic, but he’ll forget that I can’t levitate without him and when he suddenly disappears I’ll end up being dropped several feet. If I’m lucky I just end up bruised, but once or twice I’ve had fractures as well.

Where is this going? Where does any relationship go? We’re already living together, and we’ve just started talking marriage. Of course Cloud doesn’t really understand the concept, but we’re working on it.

Kids? I don’t know. Our scientists are working on it, but so far it’s not genetically possible.

Yes, I know that it is the responsibility of every colonist to procreate, but there are extenuating circumstances here. No, we’re not breaking the contract by choosing unsuitable mates. The contract was already broken by the people who sent us here.

The Colonizing Act states that only worlds that are devoid of sentient life are to be colonized. It’s not our fault Ionesis has sentient life. If the Corporation had been doing its job we would have never made landfall.

You can try to have us removed, but it’s too late. Most of us have already established relationships with the native life forms. Do you really think it’ll be so easy to break the bonds that have been made?

Bring it on. We’ll be waiting for you. And so will the natives of Ionesis.